Daily Silly Status

For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar

I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!

I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG

They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.

just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it

Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.

I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.

Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.

My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.

I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.

I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....

One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.