Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.