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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?