Daily Silly Status

Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.

You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.

I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.

Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.

I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.

You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.

Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.

Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.

Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public

My sleep number is 100 proof.

I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.

Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....

I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"

Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)

A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.