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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
High fiving was the original "like".
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.