Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.