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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP