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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.