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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them