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A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.