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I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Never trust a skinny chef
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.