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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.