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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.