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I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
Life hack: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.