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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.