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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day