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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.