Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.