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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.