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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
life is too short to match socks
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.