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Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if Iād like whipped cream on it.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.