Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.