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When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work