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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
My wife asked me if I knew her favorite flower was. Apparently "Gold Medal All Purpose" was not the correct response
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
You make me want to be a drunker person
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
Warning: I just get weirder.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!