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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Save time. See it my way.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.