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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
I spend too much money on food to afford any diet program...
Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!