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How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
condoms prevent minivans
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
It`s no fun if you have permission.