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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
word of the day: nincomtard
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.