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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!