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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...