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When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?