Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wise man once said nothing.
I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.