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My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.