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I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.