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Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.