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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.