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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”