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Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.