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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.