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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....