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At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
Sure, I can speak Spanish... "Margarita!"
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, Iād like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.