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Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?