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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.