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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
If you replace the "W" in "where" "what" and "when" with "T" you get answers to the questions.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.