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Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.