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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.