Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
I wouldn`t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.