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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
It’s not pretty being easy.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.