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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Office Tip: In a pinch a booger and a small piece of copy paper is as good as a post it note.
I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy, and innocent ... Oh, for heaven`s sake! Stop laughing!
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.