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According to my nipples, summer is over
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
I just threw up my weekend.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude