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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Tieam... problem solved
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…