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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.