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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
my neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums...
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.