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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it