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If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
I have nothing!